This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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