That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
