every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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