So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
