i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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