Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Bring me that man meat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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