just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
