porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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