I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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