Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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