cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
