i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
