Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize