he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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