The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We are two peas in an std pod
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
