Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dignity is for republicans.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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