I must be too annoying 4 u.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
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It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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