By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
