eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
