one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
