Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
