I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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