I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
