well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
