toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize