there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
