Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
