I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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