one two three fourrrrnication!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
