This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
