Sponge bath it is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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