I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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