the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
