I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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