The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My feet surprised me
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