Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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