PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize