babies were throwing up all over the place
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
