let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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