i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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