My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
