how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
