You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
