What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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