Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
