She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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