dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
