Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
