I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
