tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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