loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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