was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want to be your penis for a week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
