I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize