OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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