my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
