Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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