I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
