Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
